my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
