another moral hangover. fuck.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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