I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
