apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
