when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
