Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
