You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
