Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
