you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
