His hands were made for my vagina.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
