what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
