is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
