i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
