I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
