My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
