Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
