My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
