I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
