new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
