Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
