I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
And then my night got REAL pukey
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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