She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
