i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
