My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
