you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
