Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
