how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
