You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
