I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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