I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
