I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
