The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
