She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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