I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
