highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
