I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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