Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
