you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
