After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
