how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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