It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
