we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
