Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
