no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
