woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
