Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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