I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
