we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
