He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Randomize
