Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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