your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
