Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
