some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
