You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Quick, to the slutcave!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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